Downton Abbey: On the Brink of Chaos
by Miss Femm
Summary: Crackfic. Downton gets a visit from a certain mustachioed scientist up to no good. Dr. Robotnik is interested in a mysterious emerald Matthew discovered near the manor, but it turns out the most dangerous hands the emerald could fall into may inhabit Downton itself...
1. Mystery

_Forward: This is a thing that exists. I'm pretty sure no one should ever want to read a crossover between a video game series about a supersonic hedgehog and a period drama. I wrote one anyway. Let's face it, there's no way to make a credible, dramatic crossover between these two universes; there can only be hilarity and foolishness. So try not to go mad from all the crack. Oh and this takes place after Lavinia dies, just so you don't wonder why Matthew is somehow alive and not a zombie or something. Though that might make for another interesting crack fic idea…_

Chapter I: Mystery

"You say you found it just lying about in the woods?"

"Yes, Mary darling," said Matthew, his arm about Mary's slender waist. "I could barely believe that it was real myself, but the examiner came in and told me it was a genuine emerald."

"I've never seen a blue emerald before," said Edith, rolling her eyes at the oversized gem. "I think it's some kind of fake."

"Matthew said he had it examined and it's genuine," snapped Mary, not even giving her sister a sideways glance. "Edith, don't you have some moping to do? _Somewhere else_?"

Edith shot a long angry glare at her dark-haired sibling before rising from her armchair to leave, slamming the door behind her. The mysterious emerald teetered on its cushion, but Matthew put his hands over it to make sure it did not fall.

"Do you know how much this may be worth?" asked Matthew.

"I would hope a lot," said Mary. "Do you think… it would be worth enough to allow us to keep Downton? So you won't have to accept Mr. Swire's money?"

Matthew smiled and nodded. "Yes. I think it can. The examiner said it was the most unusual gem he had ever seen. That there may be no other like it on this earth…"

…Two days later…

"And who was it that's coming to dinner again?" asked Daisy as she got started on that morning's breakfast.

"Y'never listen properly, do you?" said Mrs. Patmore, tying on her apron and then smoothing it. "It's some wealthy American fellow with an odd name, an inventor or something. He's interested in that queer emerald Mr. Crawley found the other day."

"I suppose they're wantin' to sell it for a high price, to save Downton."

"I suppose. Now shut it and make breakfast! And no usin' that new-fangled electric monstrosity to beat the eggs!"

…

"An American?" asked Edith.

"Yes," said Robert. "A Mr. Ivo Robotnik."

Matthew and Edith shared strange glances as they pecked at their breakfast. Robert kept his eyes on a newspaper the whole time.

"Ivo Robotnik?" repeated Matthew incredulously. "He sounds more Russian than American to me. Have you ever heard of him before?"

"Not at all," said Robert. He looked up at his butler. "Have you heard of him, Carson?"

"No, m'lord," said Carson as he poured Matthew some more tea. "Then again, I'm not entirely informed of what goes on across the Atlantic. If I were, I believe I'd go mad."

"It always seems to be American money which keeps Downton up and running," sighed Edith before taking another bite of toast.

"Yes," said Robert. "I do wish your grandmother had been able to lend us some help, as much as I would be uncomfortable in her debt."

The rest of breakfast was spent in silence.

…That afternoon…

The whole family and most of the servants assembled in front of the house as Mr. Robotnik's car drove through the gates.

From the first close-up look at the bright red and orange vehicle, it became plain that their potential savior would be an even more potent example of American obnoxiousness than even Cora's mother.

The car came to a stop and the chauffer stepped out of the vehicle. Well, more like floated, for the chauffer was a small, metallic creature with a spherical head and ghastly neon eyes. Everyone was struck speechless by the sight of it.

But the strange chauffer contraption was nothing compared to the man who stepped out of the car. Mr. Robotnik was the largest man the Downton inhabitants had ever seen, as he was both enormously fat and over six feet tall, with long skinny legs that supported his giant body with miraculous dexterity . He had a bald head underneath a silk top hat and a large orange-red mustache curled slightly at the end. His jacket and waist coat were bright red and decorated with shiny gold buttons.

Thomas started to laugh obnoxiously, but Mrs. Hughes put an end to that with an elbow to the solar plexus. As the young man muttered something about coming vengeance to the entire household, Robert's jaw dropped. Quite unable to move from where he stood to greet his guest, Cora stepped forward with the best smile she could muster.

"Welcome to our home, Mr. Robotnik," she said, taking his large gloved hand in hers.

"I'm pleased to be here, Lady Grantham," he replied. His voice was bombastic, almost comically so. Several of the servants had to hide their amusement or shock to the best of their ability. Carson in particular tried hiding his discomfort at the metallic chauffer.

"What the devil is that thing driving your car?" blurted Tom, arms behind his back.

Robert opened his mouth to protest Tom's rudeness, but Robotnik chuckled proudly, as though he had been waiting for someone to ask.

"That, my friend, is an artificial life form, a robot. I made it myself. It's much cheaper than hiring fallible people, wouldn't you say?"

The servants all exchanged odd looks. Carson looked downright agitated, but kept his composure in spite of what he perceived as a slight.

"But that puts people out of work, doesn't it?" asked Cora.

"Well, they haven't fully replaced my human servants yet," he quickly replied. "Not all the kinks have been ironed out yet. _Right_, Orbot?"

"If you say so, _m'lord_," said the robot chauffer with a mocking bow.

"Oh my God, it talks too?" exclaimed Robert, bristling with his usual rage at anything new-fangled. "Most unseemly!"

"It does a lot of things," said Robotnik. "Anyway, I believe I need to change before dinner. My, er, valet has my evening attire."

"Of course," said Cora. "Thomas, could you show Mr. Robotnik and his valet to a room where he can change?"

"Absolutely, m'lady," said Thomas, trying to suppress a mocking grin that even another rough ribbing from Mrs. Hughes could not eliminate altogether.

…That evening…

Cubot had managed to keep most of the servants distracted with his obnoxious voice and many functions while Orbot slipped away. The doctor had given him a handheld sensor so he could sniff the emerald out while Robotnik was dining with those Edwardian snobs. After all, while Robotnik certainly had the money to pay these people (how do you think he got all those Egg Fleets built, after all?), it would be much more efficient to resort to thievery.

He made his way past many a portrait and through many a corridor… or at least, that was how it felt to Orbot. Eventually, he found his way to the dark sitting room and there, on the coffee table, lay the shining blue emerald upon a velvet cushion. Its light reflected off of Orbot's metallic body as he drew closer to the gem, his arms outstretched—

And then the lights switched on.

Orbot spun around to find himself looking up at a tall, dark-haired valet or footman or whatever title this guy had. It was Thomas and he had what could only be described as a shit-eating grin plastered across his pale face.

"Doing some exploring, I see," said Thomas, closing the door behind him with his foot.

"Er, yes," replied Orbot. "Just a nice, cozy, innocent tour." _Oh dear Chaos, how did I not notice the little bugger following after me? I feel like Cubot…_

Thomas obviously bought none of it, taking a few steps forward.

"Let me guess: your boss told his freak robot valet to keep my fellow servants busy while you steal this emerald. Then, when he and the family came down to take a look at it and make the proper negotiations, they'd believe it had been stolen and then you three would just go on your merry way, acting all disappointed."

"… Not at all."

Thomas smirked, obviously unconvinced by the robot's elaborate lie. "If you want to keep you and your master out of prison, then I think we should make a deal-."

Just then, there was a great sound, like an explosion or a wall crumbling, beneath them. Both Thomas and Orbot tried to retain their balance.

"What the bloody hell-?!" cried Thomas.

Orbot's neon eyes grew small. "It's him."

"What the hell are you talking about? Who?"

"The hedgehog."

"… Are you messing with me? Because I can make your pathetic little existence quite miserable if I wanted to-."

With a swift movement, Cubot knocked the young servant off of his feet. He had no time for such drama and needed to nab the emerald as quickly as possible. He turned back to the cushion—

Only to find an empty imprint where the jewel had been.

Turning again, he caught a glimpse of a female figure in a blue gown rushing from the room, something shining crushed against its chest.


	2. Mania

Chapter II: Mania

For once in her life, old Lady Violet found herself near-speechless. Mr. Robotnik was almost impossible to take seriously, like a comic figure in a Dickens novel.

Cora had other problems on her mind, like the rudeness of her middle child.

"I do wonder where Edith is," she whispered to her husband as the good doctor went on about his greatness. "We've been at table for twenty minutes already!"

Robert shrugged, his face expressionless as he cut his lamb into the tiniest bits. "I can hardly fault her for being absent tonight…"

Robotnik's laugh almost made the room quake. Matthew kept his eyes upon his lamb as Mary sighed as loudly as possible.

"I'm honestly surprised none of you have never heard of me," the man of honor said. "I mean, in the States, I'm regarded as a genius."

"Humility must be a foreign concept to a genius of such magnitude," said Mary in her usual deadpan manner, accessorizing it with a contemptuous grin. She took a sip of wine as she gave him an icy, triumphant stare. The genius bristled a little, but his own smile was quick to return, brighter than ever before.

"And I would suppose the same goes for a paragon of wit such as yourself, dear lady," said Robotnik, leaning back in his seat.

Carson nearly burst a glass in his hand. Robert's jaw dropped. Violet looked damn lethal. Everyone else tried their best to remain civil. Robotnik just flashed his wide, toothy grin as he swirled his wine glass.

The brief bit of glory ended with a literal bang. The entire manor shook as a great crash rang out with the sound of falling bricks and shattering glass. Everyone shrieked save for Robotnik, who looked agitated. He slammed his gloved fist upon the table.

"That damn rat! Spoiling everything-!"

Cora's hands flew to cover her mouth in horror. "Such language!"

"What in God's name is going on here?" shouted Robert. "I will not stand to have this dinner interrupted!"

Just then, a blue blur rushed through the room and an odd creature settled upon the dinner table. Then, the cheesiest thing ever happened.

"The name is Sonic, Sonic the Hedgehog!" exclaimed the blue monstrosity. It wagged its index finger.

"What the hell is that demonic rat doing on my table," shouted Robert. "It's positively vulgar!"

"I'm not vulgar!" snapped the creature. "I'm a hedgehog!"

"And you're a dead one!" shouted Eggman, whipping a small remote control from his pocket and pressing the big red button in the middle.

Suddenly, the wall exploded into bits of brick as a gigantic mecha burst onto the scene. The coveted blue emerald shone like a beacon within its steel claws. Mary gasped.

"Not the emerald! How are we to save Downton?!"

Robotnik laughed heartily.

"Ha! It seems the old bucket of bolts accomplished the mission after all! Try beating this, Sonic! Now, smash him into the table, my beautiful mecha!" he exclaimed, pressing one of the buttons on the remote.

Or he would have, if Carson had not tackled him to the now ruined floor, knocking the remote out of his hand.

"How dare you, sir," the old butler shouted, his pudgy face red with fury. "We spent three days planning this dinner! THREE DAYS, SIR! And now you have ruined an otherwise pleasant evening with these shenanigans!"

Violet, who had kept herself seated despite the events at hand, rolled her eyes.

"Now Carson, there's no need to rage on. If anything, the walking pin cushion has saved us from a dull evening of boasting. Boasting and rather mediocre lamb, I am sorry to say…"

"No, grandmamma," shouted Mary as she marched over to where the two men were practically wrestling on the floor. "This man has tried to take the one thing that can save our home and restore our fortunes!" She smashed her foot onto Robotnik's face, emitting a howl of pain from the doctor.

Sonic the Hedgehog stood in bewilderment. No one noticed the blonde young woman rising from the cockpit of the mecha, her bloodshot eyes set on her sole living sister.

Living for now, anyway.

Cora turned and gasped.

"Edith, what are you doing?!"

Cora's cry brought Edith's position to the attention of everyone else in the room and they shared her amazement. Especially Robotnik.

"Wait, how did you get in there? That thing was being remote controlled by me!"

Edith nodded ruefully, her eyes tearful. "I'm not surprised," she said, her tone proof that she had perfected the art of nasal whining. "No one thinks I can do anything. When I get a little attention for nursing soldiers, I only get confused glances, since God forbid it not be _Mary_. So it comes with little shock to hear that no one in my family ever recognized my skill with robotic weaponry!"

"_Two words I loathe_," cried Robert. "No daughter of this house will ever be caught dead in such trash! Get down this instant, Edith!"

"Do as your father says, darling," said Cora, eyeing her husband warily. "The last thing we need is to have him in ill health over such a tiny quarrel…"

"Yes, get down now," shouted Mary, her heel near embedded in Robotnik's cheek. "It's like ruining our happiness has become a sport of yours!"

Edith's face and neck proceeded to turn scarlet from all the unkind vibes. "That my family is so discouraging is yet another dull surprise! Well, I'm tired of trying to prove myself to you, for I shall become the most powerful being in the universe! That may not be as wonderful as marriage or writing or being Mary, but nevertheless, _you will all bow before me!_"

"Holy shit and I thought old Egghead was dangerous," exclaimed Sonic.

A chill swept over the household. Robert seethed with fury. Cora wept as she wondered where she had gone wrong as a mother. Mary rolled her eyes as she attempted to think up a put-down she never used on Edith before. Violet wondered if there was any chance that her chauffer would come to fetch her early.

Robotnik finally threw Carson off of him and yanked Mary's ankle, sending her crumpling to the ground. He dove for the remote, pressing every button he could. When there was no response, he threw the contraption across the room in anger.

"Damn girl! She's disabled my controls!"

The room trembled as Edith began to charge the energy of the emerald into the right arm of the mecha, the cannon targeted squarely at Mary. The older Crawley sister found herself woefully immobile, the doctor's attack having injured her ankle.

Matthew ran forward, spreading his arms wide so as to shield his beloved.

"Edith, don't do this," he cried. "Destroy me if you must have vengeance, but know I cannot live without Mary! I know she can be rude and bossy and entitled-!"

"Tell me how you truly regard me, Matthew Crawley," hissed Mary as she cradled her ankle.

"A-Anyways, I know she is flawed," he said, pulling at his collar. "So please, spare her!"

Edith shook her head, blinking back tears with the subtlety of a bad stage actress.

"Oh Matthew, you were one of the few people in my life who never regarded me with contempt. But this chaos-charge cannon will likely blow the entire house up, not just Mary. I am sorry, but it's the only way to do this revenge business properly. I will be sure to name a summer palace or something like that in your honor when I rule all."

"Oh God, here she goes, raving on like a tragic Shakespearean hero to be pitied," remarked Mary, her voice not betraying the immense pain in her ankle. Edith screamed in rage. The hedgehog stepped forward, rubbing the back of his neck in obvious discomfort.

"This is kinda awkward," he said. "But seeing as I'm a good guy through and through, I'll need to stop you- AHHH!"

The hedgehog, so famed for his speed, barely registered the mecha's swatting him through the roof and into the atmosphere. Robotnik grew pale. Just then, Orbot and Thomas rushed onto the scene. The young servant skidded to a halt about five feet away from Robert. His breaths were shaky as he attempted to compose himself.

"I'm sorry to interrupt your dinner, my lord, but it seems our guests have been attempting to rob the household."

"No shit, Thomas," said Mary, now sprawled upon the ground.

Robert ran over to Robotnik and grasped him by the shoulders. "Please, you've brought this nonsense upon us. As a gentleman, you must make it right!"

The doctor frowned as he drew himself up straight. "I'm sorry, my good man. But as much as I hate to admit it, that hedgehog was our only hope of stopping Eerie Edna up there."

"EDITH!" cried the Edna in question.

"Oh shut up," snapped Mary. She had started using one of her long gloves as a bandage around her damaged heel.

"So there's nothing we can do," screamed Robert.

Robotnik shrugged. "Nope. Trust me, I wish I could help. Being destroyed by a jealous young lady in another dimension is not the way I wanted to go."

"Because being defeated by an electric blue rodent over and over was a preferable fate," stated Orbot. Robotnik attempted to kick the robot, but missed, landing upon his back.

"Well, I assure you no one is more embarrassed than I," interjected Mary. She held a hand out to Matthew, who quickly rushed to her side and helped his beloved to her feet. "I suppose I should try to have some dignity now that there is no hope."

A voice from the back of the group pierced the ensuing silence.

"Not yet, my dear," said Violet. "Not when you have power of your own."


End file.
